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Evil Super-Villains need Love, Too
I just saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire last night.
Really cool movie. By far the best of the lot. But, of course,
the movie gets to the climax where Harry comes face to face with
his nemesis Lord Voldemort in a scary graveyard and they...
Learning To Be Funny
For some people, being funny can be a bit of a challenge. As a matter of fact, I used to be one of them. When I would try to tell a joke that wasn't made up by someone else, people would look at me with an expression that said, "Would you like... a...
Need a Hobby?
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Need a Hobby? By John Sammon
A man needs a hobby.
I guess I'm not well-rounded. I seldom take a vacation (never,
come to...
Things to Say to Make a Woman Laugh
Well if all men knew the things to say to make women laugh, this world would then be called Utopia :-). The birds would be singing once again, the sun would be shining, and if my wife knew what I was writing right now in this article, she would...
Tickle Your Funny Bone
Practicing humor can lift tension, reduce stress, diffuse confrontation, improve communication, and enhance your relationship with others in any group. It can also increase productivity, learning ability, cooperation, teamwork, and profits while...
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Pause o'Menses
Want a word that’s ensured to illicit a myriad of comments, moans, groans, eye rolling and jokes?
Menopause.
Go ahead, say it out loud. Get used to it. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, trust me, it will; and trust me when I say “you’ll live”, you will.
You won’t become a eunuch; nor will you become a card carrying member of some androgynous sect. Unless, of course, you’re a huge David Bowie fan. I hear he’s the president.
So, here are a few of the little goodies you can look forward to; as well as a few heartfelt clarifications.
Hot flashes
A wonderful way to keep your pores clean and your skin hydrated - really, really hydrated.
Cold flashes
What you’d kill for when you’re having a hot flash.
Excessive bleeding
This is simply your body’s way of refusing to “go quietly into that good night”
Mood swings
If you’ve ever been married, had children, or breathed air, you’ve already experienced mood swings. They're old hat.
Dry vagina
A dry one is preferable to a drippy one. If it’s bothersome, there are a zillion products that you can squirt up there.
Increased or decreased libido
A Patek Philipe watch will increase your libido, and a bad
hair day will decrease it. So what? You’ve faked it before, you still can.
Incontinence
Try not to laugh too boisterously. Instead, adopt an enigmatic Mona Lisa smile, it will afford an aura of mystery, and keep your panties dry.
Increased flatulence
If you make a little mistake, simply look around for the offending individual. Please, of course it's not you.
Depression
For God’s sake, we’re waiting for an onslaught of anthrax, smallpox, and the creeping crud. Who isn’t depressed?
So, take heart, you’ll make it through. Have fun with it.
Play “connect the dots” with your age spots. If they form an exact replica of Abraham Lincoln, you may be able to get on The Letterman Show.
Pause o'Menses by D. Gustafson. Copyright 2003. All rights reserved.
For more of the really swell aspects of aging, visit Mama’s Secrets, http://www.mamassecrets.com
About the Author
D. Gustafson is a mother, grandmother, daughter, ex-wife, artist, accountant, webmaster, and published writer.
Oh, and of course, we can’t leave out, “over achiever”. Give her a couple of years, and with any luck, maybe we can toss in crane operator and, who knows, possibly dictator of a small tropical island.
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